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We all know of my great hatred for Victoria secret and their bra measuring methods. According to their site, you must measure your overbust for your band size. While many of you are aware if you’ve got any common sense, the band goes UNDER the bust. But, for the sake of reviewing this bra, I must go by VS’s methods. So first, I measured my overbust and got 33/34 so I’m a 34 band(5 inches larger than my underbust) and my bust that you measure with a bra on(again, a method that makes no sense to me) is at it’s fairly common 40″. That is..a six inch difference? So I’m a 34DDD! The same size I was according to VS exactly one year ago! How shocking that I haven’t grown at all!

So, since I haven’t grown at all in a year, I grabbed a VS bra that I had purchased a year ago(actually it was nearly two years ago that I got because in two years, I haven’t really grown.) I was told by the lovely and sadly ignorant associate to purchase a 36DD as 34DDD’s aren’t commonly available. This is the result(without swooping or scooping):

VS 3 VS 2 VS 1 VS 99

VS 4

The straps are digging into my shoulders painfully, the gore isn’t laying flat, the cup is cutting into tissue and look at that band! I may not have done a back shot–I really hate my back–but you can still see the absolute terrible riding up the band is doing. But that’s okay, right?! I mean, VS models have this problem ALL the time, so it can’t be a problem. They’re a company that sells lingerie. They know what they’re talking about.

It’s a pretty simple red bra, the band is pure lace with elastic trim, though…I’m not sure how firm that would be even if it did fit my 29″ underbust properly. There are three hook and eyes and three rows for when you begin to wear out the bra.

My breasts look good, though, right? I get fairly good cleavage and my breasts aren’t torn too far apart as some breasts can do. I wouldn’t attempt to jump in this bra. I think that might be hazardous for my cooper’s ligaments and just my body in general. I’m not exactly falling out of the bra, am I? I’m sure I could wear this bra every day.

The wires are sitting on breast tissue. The band isn’t even nearly firm enough to hold those wires against my skin as it should. There’s more than just escaping breast tissue. I don’t think my breast are very happy in this bra. I can’t even imagine how I had dealt with this. Or maybe the fit ‘wasn’t so terrible’ when I first bought the bra. My measurements have changed, yet according to VS they are the exact same as they have been for the past two years.

Now, would you like to see the fit AFTER I swoop and scoop? Of course you would! Why the hell wouldn’t I swoop and scoop?

VS 6 VS 5 VS 8

That cleavage is to die for, right?! Sure, I’m falling out of the cup and my areolas are beginning to show and a nip slip would be inevitable with any sort of movement. I brought all the breast tissue that I could manage forward into the cup. Or, am I not supposed to do this Victoria’s Secret? Please, tell me. Should I go in store and be fitted properly? Or am I just too obscenely large that my body is weird and gross and my breasts should be reduced?

If you have read my blog, you can see that I am all about proper fit and when it comes to my bras, I have as firm as a band that I can get my hands on. My body NEEDS the support. I am in literal great pain without a bra.

Comments? Thoughts? Concerns?

This review was done purely for the fact that I have nothing better to do, I’m not wearing the PL for the PL review and I’m not confident enough in my body to review the URKYE tubas just yet.